Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Here's the part where I show a picture to a select group of folks and get their oh so valued opinions. Today's Pic:
Today's question:
The knit onesie.  Sexy? Absurd? Awesome? Impractical?  What do we think?

The Skate Boarder: 
Some new ideas in fashion suggest that you should flirt slightly with eccentricity. The woolen onesie demands instead that you buy eccentricity a drink, take it home with you and ask it to move in the next day.

A close knit calls, I feel, for an oversized belt, daring tights and I'm afraid ladies, no bra { with a possible substitution being your favourite vest }. The chunkier version conjures images of Bjork { slightly terrifying journalist-whipping Bjork as opposed to trail-blazing genius Bjork }.

Probably too hot to walk around in and almost certainly unpleasant to lounge around in, the knit onesie clearly challenges practicality but then so does brave modern art, mid-afternoon drinking and sleeping with your boss and that's just the stuff life's made up of. The wierd, the daring and the downright uncomfortable.

The Sea Captain:
Beach fashion has nothing to do with practical anymore.  Some celebrity (I can't remember who) is doing a whole line of beachwear with metal chains and stuff that would just rust if it were to get wet.
Sure this knit onesie is sexy, but sexiness has little to do with the clothing and more to do with the attitude of the wearer.  A pair of coveralls could be sexy on the right model.  All that being said, I like it because it reminds me of one of my turtlenecks.  But sadly, I would never wear that turtleneck to the beach on a hot summer day so I'd have no way to break the ice with this lady.

It is a ridiculously sexy pose, with her Chewbacca-fur coat blowing behind her in the wind, offering a glimpse at her shapeless-yet--oddly-alluring Lolita-like body; arms up in the air as if surrendering (the implication that's she's done something naughty that needs surrendering for); face daring (yet inviting) you to come and get her; the Freudian implications of the vast water behind her.
So, yeah, there's that, which I am totally on board with.

Onto the knit onesie itself.  On this body, in this picture, it is unequivocally Hot.  It's tightness in relation to her frame gets applause.  The way it follows her form, into her groin, around her hips and legs, is the real charm of this pose.
I'd need to see it in real life, to see how it moves on a, you know, moving body before I could give a definitive answer.  But based solely on this photo, I am very much digging the knit onesie.

As a piece of fashion, I give it a glowing endorsement.
As a piece of swimwear, however, I'm afraid it would miss the mark, as once you got it wet, it would surely lose all appeal and practicality, would it not?  Water would turn this tight, frame-enhancing onesie into some sort of shapeless lopey sweater.

I would, regardless of the endorsement of the attire, very much like to spend a late afternoon and into the evening with this woman and her friends.  I assume she has friends, and that they all maintain just the right amount of chic frivolity and 60's-tinged joie de vivre in their light-hearted romping around the sea-coasts of Spain or maybe Italy.  Or maybe it's merely a West Coast Illusion of Europe. 
In any event, I'd like to light her cigarette with a very sharp looking lighter.  That is not a euphemism.

And there you go.  the knit onesie.  At this point I feel the need to clarify.  The Onesie is not in fact intended as swimwear.  Which I pointed out to some but not all of my opinionaters giving them unequal advantages in this challenge.  Another example of  full body knitwear  comes to us from Dole and Gabbana:
My opinion?  Why thank you for asking.  I think it looks hot.  And in the case of the top pic would probably take shorts wearing well into the Fall which is nice.  Were I to banish all mirrors from my home and make the commitment not to go out of doors all Winter I could see myself crawling into the Dolce and Gabbana one in mid-Fall and not re-emerging until Spring.  It's not a look for everyone, there are many many body shapes I do not want to see wearing this look.  That's not intended as an insult to the multitude of body shapes out there, it's simply the limitations of the onesie.  But a word of advice, if you do decide to go for it remember to schedule extra time into your bathroom breaks.


  1. The Knitted Onesie:
    becka viau

    Personally I love the onsie, almost as much as I love spandex tights, in whatever fabric or format it may come in.

    Wearing things that limit accessibility is mysteriously sexy. I am drawn to the full legging body suit knitted onesie. There is an element of acrobatic hipster present in this outfit.

    The knitted onesie is bold, even ballsy considering the amount of effort it would entail during a bathroom break… however the model could be a synchronized acrobatic ski dancer and the prestige around that kind of image is unbeatable.

    I vote yes to the knitted onesie. I am actually jealous that I am not wearing one right now.
    Wear it with tights … wear it without tights .. doesn’t really matter. Just wear it knowing that limited access is hot. Be the challenge of the knitted onesie.

  2. Love it. In the fall with tights, boots and an attitude. Though I like knitted anything. Maybe even eyeglasses?